LogBook
by ChrysMoon
Summary: Star Trek: LogBook style! Inspired by Hamlet on Facebook. Styled version: http://docs .google .com/Doc?docid 0ARinmxI ZQ7ZGZzOHI5ODJfMTI2ZjQzOTd3Z2Q&hl en -take out the first two spaces and an equal sign in the last-


Title: StarBook

Notes: Pure crack. Inspired by Hamlet on Facebook.

StarBook – A social utility tool to connect interstellar travelers, friends, and colleagues.

**James T. Kirk** _failed to save the Kobayashi Maru again in _**Beat the Klingons!** _Rank_ _drops to 'Failing Cadet'._

_** Leonard H. McCoy** Told you. Nobody can beat that damn game._

**James T. Kirk - Leonard H. McCoy** I'm doing it again. So get down here!

** Leonard H. McCoy** dislikes this.

** N. Uhura** You're gonna fail.

** James T. Kirk** If I pass, you'll tell me your first name right?

**James T. Kirk** _is trying to save the Kobayashi Maru in _**Beat the Romulans!**_ Lend a helping hand!_

** Gaila** Go get them, Jim!

**James T. Kirk** - **Gaila** Thanks! Oh, and check your inbox for a surprise! ^.~

*FATAL ERROR*

StarBook will resume in 3 seconds.

**James T. Kirk** _saved the Kobayashi Maru and trounced the Klingons in _**Beat the Klingons! **_Rank rose to 'Has potential to be a Captain'._

** Spock** dislikes this.

**M. Hanson** - **Spock** How the hell did that kid beat your game?

**Spock** _challenges _**James T. Kirk**'s _recent win in _**Beat the Klingons! **_in _**Objection!**

** Spock** You somehow activated a subroutine in the game and thus changing the parameters for it.

** James T. Kirk** Who cares? The game itself is a cheat anyway. You programmed it to be unwinnable.

**Richard Barnett** _judged the case to be against _James T. Kirk _in _**Objection!** _Penalty: grounded until a decision can be reached._

** James T. Kirk** and **Leonard H. McCoy** dislike this.

** N. Nyota** likes this.

**UFP**, creators for **Beat the Klingons!**, changed the name to **Beat the Romulans!** and released the mission 'Vulcan crisis'! Invite everyone!

Currently, 5498 accepted the mission.

**James T. Kirk** created the 'Pointy-eared Bastard' club. Come and join!

** N. Uhura** dislikes this.

** Leonard H. McCoy** joined.

**James T. Kirk**'s application to join Team USS Enterprise in **Beat the Romulans!** has been denied.

** Leonard H. McCoy** Don't worry. They have to let you.

** Leonard H. McCoy** Btw, I absolutely did NOT tell you to NOT write 'going through vaccine of Melvarian Mud Fleas' into NOT your app.

** James T. Kirk** O.O You call that a favor?

**James T. Kirk**'s application to join Team USS Enterprise **Beat the Romulans!** has been granted!

**James T. Kirk** is friends with **Hikaru Sulu**, **Pavel Chekov**, **Christine Chapel**, and 526 others.

**Hikaru Sulu**'s _rank rose to 'Helmsman' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Pavel Chekov** likes this.

**James T. Kirk** _received a 'Mission Briefing' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** James T. Kirk** Holy shit, it's a lightning storm! I have to tell Pike.

**Leonard H. McCoy** _received bonus mission 'Severe Reaction to Vaccine' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Leonard H. McCoy** _successfully completed the mission! Get a bonus from him!_

** James T. Kirk** likes this.

**Christopher Pike** - **Kirk** How the hell did you get on my team?

**Spock** _challenges _**James T. Kirk** _for his assumption that Vulcan is under attack in _**Objection!**

** Spock** Based on what facts?

** James T. Kirk** That same anomaly occurred on the day of my birth, when Kelvin was attack by a Romulan ship. Besides, Uhura also received a transmission from Klingon prison planet about an attack too. So there!

**Christopher Pike** _judged the case to be for _**James T. Kirk** _in _**Objections!**

Teams USS Faragut, USS Antarus, USS Truman, _and four others_ _are annihilated in_ **Beat the Romulans!**

Current battle in **Beat the Romulans!**:

USS Enterprise vs. Narada

HP: 37 HP: 9999

STR: 23 STR: 9999

INT: 0 INT: 9999

AGI: 2 AGI: 9999

STA: 7 STA: 9999

_Come lend a hand!_

** Hikaru Sulu** They're over 9000! We can't take another hit like that.

** Christopher Pike** Alright. Sulu, Spock, Kirk, come with me. Russian whiz kid,

you have the conn.

**Christopher Pike**, **Hikaru Sulu**, **Spock**, **James T. Kirk**, _and_ **E. Olson** _made a 'Cunning Plan' to get back at Narada in _**Beat the Romulans!**

529 people like this.

**E. Olson** I am sooo ready to kick some Romulan arse!

**Spock**'s _rank rose to 'Acting Captain' in_** Beat the Romulans!**

** N. Uhura** likes this.

**James T. Kirk**'s _rank rose to 'Acting First Officer' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Leonard H. McCoy** WHAT?!

** James T. Kirk** Thanks for the support.

**E. Olson** is offline.

** Hikaru Sulu** Damn it. I told him not to wear a red shirt!

**Hikaru Sulu** _and_ **James T. Kirk** _successfully carried out the Cunning Plan in _**Beat the Romulans!** _The Narada's 'Infinity and Beyond' shield has taken a direct hit and its defense level dropped from 2 to 1!_

**Pavel Chekov** _receives urgent bonus mission 'Do 1000 Calculations in 45 seconds to Save Crewmates' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Pavel Chekov** _successfully completed the mission! Get a bonus from him!_

** James T. Kirk** and **Hikaru Sulu** like this.

**Spock** _receives urgent bonus mission 'Save Vulcan High Council' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Spock** _only rescued four out of seven council members, and lost the most __important member_, **Amanda Grayson**_!_

**Amanda Grayson** is offline.

** Spock** and **N. Nyota** dislike this.

**Nero** _and _Team Narada _left the battle in _**Beat the Romulans!** _They get _**Christopher Pike**_ as a reward!_

** James T. Kirk** and 493 dislike this.

**Leonard H. McCoy**'s _rank rose to 'Chief Medical Officer' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**Leonard H. McCoy** _receives bonus mission "Take care of 200,000+ Sick Patients" in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Leonard H. McCoy** dislikes this.

**Spock** _created a 'Ship's Log' in _**Beat the Romulans! **_Receives 200 XP!_

**Spock** and **N. Uhura** are in a relationship.

**N. Uhura** changes her relationship status to 'It's complicated'.

**Christopher Pike** changes his status to 'Hostage – paralyzed and poisoned'.

Team USS Enterprise _failed the mission 'Vulcan Crisis' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**UFP**, creator of **Beat the Romulans!**, released new mission 'Stop Nero'! Invite everyone!

Currently, 495 accepted the mission.

**James T. Kirk** _challenges _**Spock** _for his decision to rendezvous with the fleet in _**Objection!**

** James T. Kirk** Pike ordered us to save him and Earth is Nero's next target!

** Spock** Pike also ordered us to regroup with the fleet to balance the next engagement.

**Spock** _judged the case to be against _James T. Kirk _in_ **Objection!** _Penalty: marooned on Delta Vega._

** James T. Kirk** dislikes this.

** James T. Kirk** You SOB!

** Leonard H. McCoy** You could have acted like it was a hard decision!

** Spock** If you think crew morale is better served by my roaming the halls weeping, I shall gladly defer to your medical expertise.

**James T. Kirk** changes status to 'Effing Marooned'.

**James T. Kirk** _receives rare bonus mission 'Escape from Hengrauggi' in _**Beat the ****Romulans!**

** James T. Kirk** _met the requirements for the once-in-lifetime event, 'Meeting __Spock Prime from Another Timeline'!_

** James T. Kirk** _completed the mission with the help of _**P. Spock**_! Get a bonus __from him!_

** P. Spock** How did you find me?

** James T. Kirk** How do you know my name?!

** P. Spock** I am Spock.

** James T. Kirk** Bullshit.

Click here to see the special event 'The Origin of the Mission' brought to you by **UFP**.

**James T. Kirk** is friends with **P. Spock**, **Keenser**, and **Montgomery Scott**.

**Montgomery Scott** - **P. Spock** Do they still have sandwiches there?

**Montgomery Scott** _increases his 'Astrophysics Engine' to 'Beyond Genius' level with the help from _**P. Spock**!

** James T. Kirk** and **Montgomery Scott** like this.

** James T. Kirk** changes his status to 'On the Enterprise'.

**Montgomery Scott** changes his status from 'Drowning' to 'With the Love of his Life'.

**Spock** _challenges _**James T. Kirk** _for his reappearance on _Team USS Enterprise_ in _**Objection!**

** Spock** How were you able to board this ship that's at warp?

** James T. Kirk** You're the captain. You figure it out.

** Montgomery Scott** I'd rather not take sides.

_Oh no! A fight broke out on the _USS Enterprise_!_

James T. Kirk vs. Spock

HP: 104 HP: 139

STR: 52 STR: 73

INT: 87 INT: 87

AGI: 48 AGI: 53

STA: 12 STA: 20

_Stop it before valuable time is lost!_

**Sarek** _stops the fight!_

**Spock**'s _rank dropped to 'Not Fit for Duty' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** N. Uhura** dislikes this.

**James T. Kirk**'s _rank rose to 'Acting Captain' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** James T. Kirk** Alright, guys. We're going after the Narada!

** N. Uhura** I sure hope you know what you're doing, captain.

** James T. Kirk** So do I.

**Spock** _receives a 'Large Stamina Boost' from _**Sarek **_in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**Montgomery Scott**'s _rank rose to 'Chief Engineer' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**Spock** changes planet of residence to 'Earth'.

**Hikaru Sulu**, **Pavel Chekov**, _and_ **Montgomery Scott** _made a 'Cunning Plan 2' to get back at the Narada in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**James T. Kirk** _invites_ **Spock** _on his secret mission 'Save Pike and Earth by Kicking Romulan Ass and Stealing Black Hole Device' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Spock **accepts the invitation.

**Hikaru Sulu**, **Pavel Chekov**, _and_ **Montgomery Scott** _successfully carried out the Cunning Plan 2_ in **Beat the Romulans!**

**James T. Kirk** _encounters random event 'Learning Uhura's name' in_ **Beat the Romulans!**

** James T. Kirk** So her name's Nyota?

** Spock** I have no comment on the matter.

**Montgomery Scott** r_eceives bonus mission 'Beam them to the Narada' in_ **Beat the Romulans!**

** Montgomery Scott**_ successfully completed the mission! Get a bonus from him!_

**James T. Kirk **_and _**Spock** _successfully complete the secret mission 'Save Pike and Earth by Kicking Romulan Ass and Stealing Black Hole Device' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**Spock** _receives bonus mission 'Destroy Drill' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Spock** The statistical likelihood that this plan will succeed is less than 4.3%

** James T. Kirk** Spock, it will work. Now move it!

**James T. Kirk** _receives bonus mission 'Find Pike and Get the Hell Out' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**Spock** _successfully complete the bonus mission 'Destroy Drill' in _**Beat the Romulans!** _The Narada's 'Infinity and Beyond' shield defense level dropped from 1 to 0 and broke! The Narada's true stats are revealed!_

Current battle in **Beat the Romulans!**:

Jellyfish vs. Narada

HP: 1000 HP: 3422

STR: 58 STR: 134

INT: 430 INT: 288

AGI: 342 AGI: 130

STA: 193 STA: 198

_Come lend a hand!_

Jellyfish _activated 'Warp Drives' and left the battle in _**Beat the Romulans!**

Current battle in **Beat the Romulans!**:

Jellyfish vs. Narada

HP: 1000 HP: 3422

STR: 58 STR: 134

INT: 430 INT: 288

AGI: 342 AGI: 130

STA: 87 STA: 198

_Come lend a hand!_

Team USS Enterprise _lends a hand._

**Spock** _receives bonus mission 'Suicide Dive' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**James T. Kirk **_successfully completed the bonus mission 'Find Pike and Get the Hell Out' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Christopher Pike** Kirk, what the hell are you doing here?

** James T. Kirk** Just following orders.

**Montgomery Scott** _receives urgent bonus mission 'Beam Three People from Two Targets onto One Pad' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

** Montgomery Scott** _successfully completed the mission! Get a bonus from him!_

** N. Uhura** and 493 like this.

**James T. Kirk**, **Christopher Pike**, and **Spock** change their statuses to 'On the Enterprise.'

**Leonard H. McCoy** _receives urgent bonus mission 'Save Christopher Pike' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

Team USS Enterprise _activates hidden trap, 'Red Matter' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**James T. Kirk** - **Nero** Your ship is compromised. You're too close to the singularity to escape without assistance, which we are willing to provide.

** Spock** dislikes this.

** James T. Kirk** It may be the only way to earn peace with Romulus. It's logic, Spock! I thought you'd like that.

**Nero** _rejects invitation for assistance in _**Beat the Romulans!**

Team Narada _is annihilated in_ **Beat the Romulans!**

Team USS Enterprise _successfully completed the mission 'Stop Nero' and climbed to No. 1 on the leaderboard in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**Spock** _met the requirements for the once-in-lifetime event, 'Meeting Spock Prime from Another Timeline' in _**Beat the Romulans!**

**James T. Kirk** _has earned enough reputation points to receive a commendation in_ **Beat the Romulans!**

**P. Spock** created the 'Vulcan Relocation Committee' club! Come and join!

Currently, Sarek and 54,423 have joined.

Click here to watch the special event 'Promotion to Captaincy' brought to you by **UFP**.

Team USS Enterprise _receives the mission 'Five-year Mission of Amazingness' from _**UFP**.


End file.
